1 00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:15,098 Christmas. It's said to be the most wonderful time of the year. 2 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,894 But in the city sidewalks of Springfield… 3 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,081 …one doesn't see smile after smile. 4 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,524 In the air, there's no feeling of the Christmas spirit, 5 00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:27,986 just the chunky inhale of tire fire and doughnut oil. 6 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,115 Which makes it the perfect town to conduct an experiment. 7 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:35,744 I'm mentalist and psychological illusionist, Derren Brown. 8 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,538 In this special, I shall use a mixture of hypnosis, 9 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,582 social compliance, British accent, 10 00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:45,462 and psychology in an attempt to change the holiday temperament of an entire town. 11 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,381 This is A Derren Brown Christmas. 12 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,238 Springfield used to be festive at Christmas, 13 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:17,118 but climate catastrophes, various fascisms, and self-financed JLo movies 14 00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:19,913 have left the town grumpy and Scrooge-like. 15 00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,333 But I'm about to change all that. 16 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:27,629 I arrived with my improbably large team of accomplices posing as a film crew. 17 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:30,590 Mayor Quimby. Uh, Hark Media. 18 00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:33,885 We're doing a documentary on the award Springfield's just won. 19 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,887 - Award? - You know, the… 20 00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:38,556 Springfield being named the "Christmasiest" Town in America, 21 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,017 winning the holiday makeover of Town Square. 22 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:44,771 Oh, that award. Uh, yes. We are thrilled 23 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,940 and honored to be… 24 00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:50,568 The award the Mayor is so thrilled about doesn't exist. 25 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:51,986 We made it up. 26 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:55,156 Forcing Quimby to awkwardly pretend he knows what we're talking about. 27 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,159 This rattles him, making him easier to manipulate. 28 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:01,704 Also, he was nervous about other things. 29 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,206 Hey, Joe. 30 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:08,837 I, uh, just need to bestow upon this constituent the Key to the City. 31 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,339 No. I need the key to the lake house. 32 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:16,177 And don't block the Andersons' driveway. 33 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,637 You, uh, were saying? 34 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,348 We just wanted to make sure you're okay with us filming 35 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:22,809 and placing hidden cameras virtually everywhere. 36 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:25,145 You know, for the documentary about the award 37 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,522 - you totally knew about? - Yes, yes. 38 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:29,774 Springfield is an open book. 39 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:32,402 We were in. 40 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,780 The prize of a holiday makeover was all part of our plan 41 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:39,325 to subliminally make the town feel more cheery. 42 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,536 The response wasn't immediately positive. 43 00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:45,748 They put Christmas decorations up earlier and earlier. 44 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,375 It's mid-December. 45 00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:48,877 Still a good joke. 46 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,422 It's not a joke, it's just a thing everyone says. 47 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,632 'Cause it's hilarious. 48 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,635 Hey, Homer. Earlier and earlier, huh? 49 00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:03,433 - How did you even… - Ah, I always have one loaded. 50 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:08,938 D-Dental implant special. Two front teeth for Christmas. You know… 51 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:14,277 Meet Gil Gunderson. Gil has a dead-end job which he is bad at. 52 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,654 Gil is trying to summon the courage 53 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:21,451 to call his estranged family before Christmas, but he's running out of time. 54 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:24,120 What Gil needs is a boost of confidence. 55 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,623 A chance to be a hero. 56 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,708 Cue runaway baby carriage. 57 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:33,880 Help! My baby carriage is slipping out of my hand! 58 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,425 My family doesn't wanna hear from me. 59 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,722 - Are you okay? - I'm fine, but what about your… 60 00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:45,475 Hey, he's okay. 61 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:48,186 Yes. You saved him. 62 00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,230 You're a hero. 63 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:51,397 I am? 64 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:56,736 And just like that, Gil felt brave, strong, a man of action. 65 00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:59,155 Would you excuse me? 66 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,699 Bonnie, it's Gill. 67 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:06,037 It is? It's good to hear your voice too, honey. 68 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,790 Right. No, honey. I, uh… 69 00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:12,168 I would love to spend Christmas with you and the kids. 70 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,212 Sure I can pick up a tree. 71 00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:17,048 Actually, I already have one. 72 00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:20,343 - Not your stupid costume! - No, no. That's not what I was… 73 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,762 I'll-I'll go to the tree lot. 74 00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:24,430 Christmas with the fam. 75 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:30,603 For Gil, being a colossal failure was the story he'd been telling himself. 76 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:34,691 And each of us tells ourselves stories. Stories about who we are. 77 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:39,028 Disco Stu is into free verse poetry also. 78 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,115 Stories that limit who we can be. 79 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:44,492 I don't have an anger problem. 80 00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:46,452 Anger helps me punch. 81 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,663 Some stories are complicated. 82 00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:51,708 Back then, hockey was played on sand 83 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,877 and the puck was a lightly broiled clam. 84 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,338 The story Homer Simpson keeps telling himself 85 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,882 is that he is bad at choosing gifts. 86 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:04,095 Which is why he lets his wife, Marge, do all the Christmas shopping. 87 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:05,596 Well, that was a bust. 88 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,474 Apparently, the Gap is just for tramps now. 89 00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,643 I'll watch the bags while you shop. 90 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,313 Oh, but I suck at presents. 91 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,189 I can't do all the shopping. 92 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,400 You have to buy a present for me. 93 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,319 Do you like any of this stuff? 94 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,904 I have enough cuff links. 95 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,406 Told ya I suck. 96 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:27,744 We followed Homer and soon learned that he did, in fact, suck. 97 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,955 He started with a reasonable choice: a journal. 98 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,374 Then the second guessing began. 99 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,419 Aw, what if Marge doesn't have innermost thoughts? 100 00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,713 Lingerie? No, too sexual. 101 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:41,507 Book of sudokus? Not sexual enough. 102 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,344 Bowling ball? Aw, we already did that. 103 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:48,431 What concerned me was how savagely Homer berated himself. 104 00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:51,851 Oh, I'm the worst. I make people sad. 105 00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:53,436 I should die 106 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:57,482 and they should donate my body to a crappy medical school 107 00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:02,862 where they study my brain for why I suck at buying gifts. 108 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:06,115 I decided to enlist Marge as an accomplice. 109 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,744 And by using psychological tricks, we can manipulate the town 110 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:13,081 into believing that they're feeling more Christmas-y. 111 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:17,752 Ooh. Playing with people's minds? That seems kind of irresponsible. 112 00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:20,296 - It's for a TV show. - Oh, then it's fine. 113 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:24,384 So our Christmas plan for Homer is to make him a better gift giver. 114 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:25,968 Homer's bad at choosing gifts 115 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:29,138 because he tells himself that he's bad at choosing gifts. 116 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,641 I think Homer's just bad at choosing gifts. 117 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:34,060 He once gave Bart a CPR dummy. 118 00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,729 Bart hated it. He refused to revive it. 119 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:39,690 If you sign this form, allowing me to hypnotize your husband, 120 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:43,111 you'll be surprised by how thoughtful his gift-giving will become. 121 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:47,490 Hmm. Okay. I feel a little weird signing for Homer. 122 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:50,368 - You don't feel that way at all. - I don't feel that way at all. 123 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,495 Not my proudest moment, I'll admit. 124 00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,539 But I truly believed we could help Homer. 125 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:58,793 So, in typical Derren Brown fashion, we introduced ourselves. 126 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:05,550 Ooh, they "Christmas-imafied" my favorite cupcake. 127 00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,221 Hey, what's the deal? 128 00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,726 Oh, you think that's funny, huh? 129 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,146 You don't eat me, I eat you! 130 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,944 Hmm? 131 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:30,992 Who are you? And where's my cupcake? 132 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:33,411 Homer, you're perfectly safe 133 00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,830 and your cupcake is right here. 134 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,583 And sleep. There we go. 135 00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:42,295 Right the way down. Right the way deep. Then we'll come and sit over here… 136 00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:46,591 I've hypnotized thousands of subjects, but Homer was different. 137 00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:50,261 Now then, Homer, open your eyes and look at me. 138 00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:52,221 Homer, look at me. Homer, look at me. 139 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,806 Even in a trance state, 140 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,601 Homer refused to look at anything other than his cupcake. 141 00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:59,770 I resorted to an unorthodox way of getting him to focus on me. 142 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,856 Okay. Right. Fine, here. 143 00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:06,277 Homer, I'm going to help you become the person you actually already are. 144 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,030 Someone who is great at giving gifts. 145 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,700 Is that who I really am? 146 00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:15,953 Absolutely. You are a natural gift giver. 147 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:19,123 You observe people. You pay attention. 148 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:22,877 - And you see what... - I see them when they're sleeping. 149 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,047 Well, more so when they're awake, but you know that... 150 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:28,466 I know when they're awake. 151 00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:30,718 Uh, sure. But more importantly, 152 00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:34,055 you no longer dread the holidays because you know that... 153 00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:36,057 I am Santa. 154 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:38,601 No, no, no, no, no. Homer, you're not Santa. 155 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:43,606 You are just a regular person who gives nice gifts. 156 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:47,485 Oh, right. Just a regular guy. 157 00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:49,570 Wait, wait. Why did you wink knowingly? 158 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,072 Did I? 159 00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:54,575 Okay, I'm stopping this. And wake. Homer? 160 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,494 Yes, "Homer." 161 00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,079 Uh-huh. 162 00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:00,623 - He's still winking. - Is he stuck? 163 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,333 You can't get stuck in hypnosis. 164 00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:04,961 - Look, all the hypnosis books say... - What is he eating? 165 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,006 How did you… 166 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:12,385 I'm a spritely little elf. 167 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:15,096 Homer, you are not Santa. 168 00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:17,139 I need you to say you understand that. 169 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,766 Well, if that's what you need. 170 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,560 I understand that! 171 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,607 Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night! 172 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,486 The n-nose thingy concerns me. 173 00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,657 We were right to be concerned about the nose thingy 174 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,534 because the very next morning… 175 00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:41,289 Forget it, Simpson, I'm not issuing you a new company ID for Santa. 176 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:46,002 Good idea. Can't let the Muggles know who I am. 177 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:49,463 Oh, and this is for you. 178 00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:52,925 - A thimble? - Smithers, 179 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,219 you said this bagel would have everything on it, 180 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:56,971 but it's missing so many things. 181 00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:59,140 Talc. Neon. Laughter. 182 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:03,060 - Is that for me? - Uh, sure. 183 00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:07,898 When I was a child, this was my favorite toy. 184 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,751 And what happened then? 185 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,236 Well, in Springfield they say 186 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:16,198 that Burns's small heart grew three sizes that day. 187 00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:19,327 Emergency cardiac reduction, stat! 188 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,914 Thank you, Smithers. Merry Christmas. 189 00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:27,710 Smithers was the first to believe. 190 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,046 The children believed immediately. 191 00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:34,342 Everywhere Homer went, they inundated him with present requests. 192 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:38,554 One special little boy decided to join Homer in his delusion. 193 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:42,308 My head-talk "tolded" me I'm your elf. 194 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:47,146 My tummy-talk "tolded" me you need to get your boss more fries. 195 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,607 And soon everyone believed. 196 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:50,900 Santa! 197 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:55,321 Homer's delusion was so complete, he started to change physically. 198 00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:59,450 I used to spend every Christmas with the old, you know, head in the oven. 199 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:02,578 But now, now I got the actual Santy Claus 200 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,790 drinking my beer and peeing in my bathroom. 201 00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:08,167 It's a Christmas miracle over here. 202 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,170 Homer even appeared on the local news. 203 00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,422 Oh, I've always been Santa-like. 204 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:17,009 My stomach has an innate "jelly-Ness." 205 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,261 Well, do you have magical powers? 206 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:23,808 - A few. I... - If you pull his finger, his pants cough. 207 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:27,853 Yes. That and I'm supremely lactose tolerant. 208 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:30,064 I can drink gallons of milk. 209 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:36,946 And I can eat any kind of cookie, but my favorite are chocolate chip with NandN's. 210 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,198 You heard it here first, kids. 211 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:42,118 Christmas spirit was at an all-time high. 212 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,682 But, as is human nature, 213 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:08,728 the stanning of Santa began to get weird. 214 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,480 The star of Bethlehem is the mother ship 215 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:15,401 which will leave the naughty and take the nice to the North Pole, 216 00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:18,654 where we will become immortal like Rudolph the Red. 217 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,073 Blessed be his nose. 218 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:24,910 And not all Springfielders were happy about the Santa worship. 219 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:27,913 Frankly, I've never liked this emphasis on Santa. 220 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:31,959 I mean, an imaginary being who decides who's good and who's bad? 221 00:12:32,042 --> 00:12:34,587 When did people get so "gul-diddly-ulible"? 222 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,214 And, of course, Marge was not happy. 223 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:40,801 I mean, it's great that Homer is so sweet and considerate. 224 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:43,304 But it's like he belongs to the world now. 225 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:46,182 Everywhere we go, little kids sit on his lap. 226 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,893 It makes Maggie so jealous. 227 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:52,438 What about you, Bart? How do you feel about your dad being Santa? 228 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,440 - It must be thrilling. - It's something. 229 00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,944 It was indeed something. 230 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,697 By trying to raise the Christmas spirit in Springfield, 231 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:05,451 I'd inadvertently created a kind of Santa cult. 232 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,369 It was time to come clean. 233 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:10,706 The Christmas Jubilee was the perfect opportunity. 234 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,375 Hello. I'm Derren Brown. 235 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:17,213 Um, many of you know me as the dashing chap who's been interviewing you 236 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,381 for a documentary about Springfield. 237 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,761 I have a confession. 238 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:27,097 I'm actually a hypnotist/magician. 239 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,766 Really well-known in the UK. 240 00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:32,228 Um, sort of the Beyoncé of British mentalists, apparently. 241 00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:37,566 I've never heard of you, and I have a subscription to BritBox. 242 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,735 Charming story. 243 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,906 We came here with a plan to make you feel more Christmas spirit than you actual had. 244 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:47,451 But you know what? We found that the joy of the season 245 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:50,454 has been here the whole time with you guys. 246 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,583 Yeah, that's 'cause of Santy over there. 247 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:58,546 Yeah, that's the thing. Homer is not Santa. 248 00:13:58,629 --> 00:13:59,880 - What? No! - No. 249 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:03,092 He thought he was, as a side-effect of being hypnotized. 250 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:05,886 Which is not a thing that happens with hypnotism usually. 251 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:10,933 Maybe there's a delightful part of Homer that longed to be Santa. 252 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:14,562 - But Marge needs her Homie back. - Aw. 253 00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:17,648 And you probably all want your friend Homer back too, am I right? 254 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,025 Not really. 255 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,278 Well, too bad. I'm bringing him back anyway. 256 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,154 Homer, join me on stage. 257 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,740 Anything for you, cupcake face. 258 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:30,119 Up you come. Nice to see you… And sleep. 259 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,121 Right the way down. There we go. 260 00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,081 That's good. Now, Homer, look at me. 261 00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:38,711 When I snap my fingers, you are going to remember you are not Santa, 262 00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:41,714 you are Homer Simpson. Loving husband, 263 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,425 father, and nuclear something or other. 264 00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:47,678 Here we go. One. Two. Three. Wake. 265 00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,599 Do you still believe you're Santa? 266 00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,225 What? No. 267 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,102 Homer's back, everyone! 268 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,774 Now un-hypnotize us. 269 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,443 I didn't hypnotize any of you. 270 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:05,362 Oh, come on. You made us go nuts for Santy Claus. 271 00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,046 No, you went nuts… 272 00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:10,910 …because of the same tricks that make people fall for cults all the time. 273 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,078 You have a charismatic leader… 274 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,414 He's just a character from an old book. 275 00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:18,292 Everywhere you go, you hear songs praising Santa. 276 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:21,629 I know I've gotten swept away by a hymn. 277 00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,690 When everyone around you believes something, 278 00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,341 even something preposterous, 279 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:28,802 like a magic man flying through the sky on a sleigh, 280 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,614 - you go along with it. - That's right. 281 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,890 There's no magic man in the sky. 282 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,772 You don't ask yourself the questions you're afraid to ask. 283 00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:42,149 Like, what if you're in the wrong relationship? 284 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:46,654 What if the things you value most are an illusion? 285 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:50,074 - What if there is no God? - Ned. 286 00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,784 What if there is no God? 287 00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:53,911 Sweet Jesus on a Triscuit. 288 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,538 There'd be no heaven. There'd be no soul. 289 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,124 Oh, my God. I mean, oh, my nothing! 290 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,877 Okay. Stop it, stop it right there. Yes, I don't know, 291 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,214 the whole "there's no God" bit, it's not very Christmas-y, is it? 292 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:09,301 Let's cut it and we'll end on me saying, "Homer's back," with some upbeat music. 293 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,011 How about, "Santa Baby"? 294 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,721 No, something public domain. 295 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,724 Like, "Greensleeves" or "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." 296 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:16,850 Got it. Lunch? 297 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:19,269 You read my mind. Not really. Obviously, you didn't. 298 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:22,815 - You know I don't believe in that stuff. - Yeah. I always know. 299 00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:40,624 Oh, my God. I mean, oh, my nothing! 300 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,501 Ned, calm down. 301 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:46,922 Daddy, if you don't believe in God, Satan will turn our milk sour. 302 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,674 He'll leave us barren. 303 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:51,677 It's-It's okay, boys. Don't be scared. 304 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,680 I mean, if there's no God, there's no Satan, so… 305 00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:57,516 No one's in charge! 306 00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,977 Let's go have a little talk. 307 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:09,945 Ned, you can't stop believing in God just because of some English guy. 308 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:14,867 They only seem smarter than us 'cause of the accent and their great baking. 309 00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,493 It's not just what happened tonight. 310 00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,829 Lately there's been things rattling around in my noodle. 311 00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:19,788 Like what? 312 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,541 Like how could God take two wives from me? 313 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,460 I follow all Ten Commandments. 314 00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,211 I even wrote three of my own. 315 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,714 You'd think God would bless someone who tries so hard. 316 00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:32,718 Instead, I got two dead wives and a weird pinky toe. 317 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,762 Jesus wore sandals, but I can't. 318 00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,722 Oh, I'm so sorry. 319 00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:40,309 I have to tell you something. Something embarrassing. 320 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:41,852 Okay. 321 00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:47,691 Every morning I put a Post-it note on the bathroom mirror for Maude. 322 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,235 Well, that's sweet. 323 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,196 Something I always did for Maude. 324 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:56,033 After she died, I kept doing it, thinking somehow she might see it. 325 00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,576 I think she does. 326 00:17:57,659 --> 00:18:00,662 Though I'm not completely sure about ghost rules. 327 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,456 I'd also been texting Edna. 328 00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:06,752 Maude preferred to call or "snail-talk" as the kids would say. 329 00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:09,421 But Edna and I, if we saw something interesting 330 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,507 or had a funny thought, we'd text. 331 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,926 After Edna passed, I kept texting. 332 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,261 It was a habit I just never tried to break. 333 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,640 But last night… 334 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,982 Mmm. 335 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,987 Aw. 336 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,532 "Sorry. Wife's old phone number. 337 00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:42,037 Texting to make sure she got to heaven okay." 338 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:47,668 Edna? 339 00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:52,256 Oh, it's Nelson. 340 00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:55,801 Haha! Your wife left you for dirt! 341 00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,096 In that split second between ha's, 342 00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:02,641 I actually believed that it might have been Edna answering my text. 343 00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,978 I felt so stupid. Then this morning… 344 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:12,067 …I didn't put my Post-it on the mirror. 345 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,319 I knew no one was gonna see it. 346 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:18,490 Tonight, I asked myself the question I never before dared to ask: 347 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,993 What if this is all there is? 348 00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:24,163 Oh, Ned. Of course that's not all there is. 349 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:29,084 There's daytime and they're always dipping new things in chocolate. 350 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:32,546 And you can mix anything with a poodle these days. 351 00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:35,549 Get some rest. Tomorrow you'll feel better. 352 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:16,798 Poor Ned. 353 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:19,551 Kids, why don't you play with Rod and Todd today? 354 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,887 - Hard pass. - Sure. 355 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,555 And if you see Mr. Flanders, 356 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:26,934 just caringly remind him that, you know, God is real 357 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,852 and there's a plan to all this. 358 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,479 But in a fun way. 359 00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,774 Lis, can I tell you something? 360 00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:37,444 - Sure. - I'm not feeling Christmas. 361 00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:39,738 - What do you mean? - I don't know. 362 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:42,282 Usually, when the weather starts to turn cold, 363 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,910 I get a little jolt of excitement in my tummy that says, 364 00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:47,371 "Christmas is coming!" 365 00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:50,332 Ooh. It hasn't happened this year. 366 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:54,169 When everyone at school was dancing to that Charlie Brown song, 367 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,421 I was faking it. 368 00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:06,431 Lis, what if I'm outgrowing Christmas? 369 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:09,226 Listen, you don't have to outgrow Christmas. 370 00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,603 It just changes. As you get older, 371 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,564 instead of getting stuff, it's more about giving. 372 00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:16,441 How? I don't have any money. 373 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,527 The little drummer boy didn't have money, 374 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:21,363 so he played his drum for baby Jesus. 375 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,115 I bet that baby hated that. 376 00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:27,119 No, Bart. The drummer boy's gift was the thing he did best. 377 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:30,622 So do what you do best, but do it for other people. 378 00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:33,625 But what I do best is fill tailpipes with potatoes. 379 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,420 Usually Russet, but I'll go Yukon Gold in a pinch. 380 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:38,171 We'll figure out the potatoes later. 381 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:42,592 For now, why don't you come with me to help Rod and Todd have a good Christmas? 382 00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:45,012 Fine. This is gonna be weird. 383 00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:47,014 I know, but I kinda love it. 384 00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:54,313 Hi, Santa. I'm giving you back your french fry house. 385 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:55,397 Hey, Ralph. 386 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,733 Come in for a second. Sit down. 387 00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:03,071 When I thought I was Santa, it was the greatest feeling. 388 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,574 I knew exactly how to make everyone happy. 389 00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:08,910 I was magical, just because I believed I could be. 390 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:11,079 I still believe you're Santa. 391 00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:15,042 I appreciate that, but, you know, 392 00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:18,920 you've been working on a four-piece puzzle for a year. 393 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:22,341 A baby came to my house and fixed it. 394 00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:26,887 I don't believe in myself enough to think I could be Santa to the whole world. 395 00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:31,683 But I believe in me enough to be Santa of Springfield. 396 00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:33,310 Well, most of Springfield. 397 00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:34,853 The people I know. 398 00:22:34,936 --> 00:22:38,106 Do you believe enough to magically make presents? 399 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:40,942 I believe I can supervise as you make them. 400 00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,778 If you're still with me? 401 00:22:42,861 --> 00:22:44,071 I am. 402 00:22:44,154 --> 00:22:45,864 'Cause you can't spell elf… 403 00:22:47,824 --> 00:22:50,452 Oh. You're done. Okay, good, let's get to work. 404 00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:56,583 You didn't say grace. 405 00:22:56,666 --> 00:22:58,960 What if you die before you wake? 406 00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:02,881 Now, kids, if God does exist, well, he's a big boy. 407 00:23:02,964 --> 00:23:06,385 He can handle a little renunciation when a fella needs a break. 408 00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:10,555 Are you guys hoping for any particular toys from Santa? 409 00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:11,932 We don't get toys. 410 00:23:12,015 --> 00:23:15,185 We give toys to the less fortunate. 411 00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:17,854 For Christmas, we get Bible highlighters 412 00:23:17,938 --> 00:23:20,482 and sheet music of our favorite hymns. 413 00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:24,045 I thought you weren't doing that stuff anymore. 414 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:27,072 Bart's right. We're gonna have a free-wheeling Christmas 415 00:23:27,155 --> 00:23:28,907 where you boys get toys. 416 00:23:30,283 --> 00:23:33,120 I guess we're the unfortunate now. 417 00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:36,331 Yeah, 'cause we don't have a God. 418 00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:37,332 Yay. 419 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:39,042 That's the Christmas spirit! 420 00:23:40,043 --> 00:23:42,963 We don't wanna be possessed by the Christmas spirit! 421 00:23:43,046 --> 00:23:45,757 Exorcists charge more at Christmas. 422 00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:48,176 I know. You guys should look through the toy catalog. 423 00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:53,849 Whoa. 424 00:23:53,932 --> 00:23:55,851 A noodle for the pool! 425 00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:57,436 I want that. 426 00:23:57,519 --> 00:23:59,104 You don't have a pool. 427 00:23:59,187 --> 00:24:02,482 But that's just the first page. There's more. Look. 428 00:24:04,067 --> 00:24:06,027 A toy wallet? 429 00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,822 With toy money and toy receipts. 430 00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:10,574 I want that. 431 00:24:10,657 --> 00:24:13,952 - I want that too. - No, I wanna be the only one who has it. 432 00:24:14,035 --> 00:24:15,579 I rebuke you as my brother! 433 00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:18,165 I'll Cain and Abel you in your sleep! 434 00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:20,709 I'll cut out your heart with the jaw of an ass! 435 00:24:21,751 --> 00:24:23,378 - Wow. - I love it. 436 00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:26,256 Mr. Brown? 437 00:24:26,339 --> 00:24:27,883 - Oh. - I need your help. 438 00:24:27,966 --> 00:24:30,177 Could you and your workers use your magic 439 00:24:30,260 --> 00:24:33,555 to fool Ned Flanders into believing in God again? 440 00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:36,933 Marge, look, there's no shortage of charlatans 441 00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:40,061 willing to use clever tricks to lure Ned back to the church, 442 00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:44,566 but I've-I've spent my entire career exposing those tricks. 443 00:24:44,649 --> 00:24:48,111 And then doing those tricks myself onstage for fame and yachts. 444 00:24:48,195 --> 00:24:50,739 I am sorry, I cannot help you. 445 00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:53,533 Oh, Ned just seems so lost. 446 00:24:53,617 --> 00:24:56,620 Like Guy Fieri without bold flavors. 447 00:24:56,703 --> 00:25:00,332 These charlatans you mentioned, do you have their phone numbers? 448 00:25:00,415 --> 00:25:02,834 I understand how hard this must… 449 00:25:02,918 --> 00:25:04,002 Sleep. 450 00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:08,340 Oh, that sneaky mind-wizard. 451 00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:34,741 You boys built a snowman? 452 00:25:34,824 --> 00:25:37,536 No. That would be a graven image. 453 00:25:40,580 --> 00:25:42,123 How'd that get there? 454 00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:44,125 Oh, it's just one of the neighbor kids. 455 00:25:44,209 --> 00:25:46,836 Well, boys, we're skipping Christmas eve at church, 456 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,549 but we can start a whole new "at home" tradition. 457 00:25:50,632 --> 00:25:53,635 I got pine cones and Googily Eyes. What should we do? 458 00:25:54,928 --> 00:25:56,805 - Secular TV? - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 459 00:25:56,888 --> 00:25:58,431 Sure, I… I guess. 460 00:25:58,515 --> 00:25:59,933 Two Broken Girls! 461 00:26:00,016 --> 00:26:02,727 I wanna watch the show about the air-fryer again. 462 00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:03,979 We can watch 'em both. 463 00:26:04,062 --> 00:26:07,065 Crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside! 464 00:26:07,148 --> 00:26:09,234 The crunch of frying with half the calories. 465 00:26:09,317 --> 00:26:10,860 Clean up is a breeze! 466 00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:14,614 Okay, boys. Time to get ready for bed. 467 00:26:14,698 --> 00:26:17,200 Can I get an at-home henna tattoo kit, 468 00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:19,619 so I can do henna tattoos at home? 469 00:26:19,703 --> 00:26:20,704 Daddy? 470 00:26:22,455 --> 00:26:24,624 It moved. 471 00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:26,084 No, no, it couldn't have. 472 00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:29,713 Satan has come for us! 473 00:26:29,796 --> 00:26:31,423 Because we coveted toys! 474 00:26:31,506 --> 00:26:34,718 - You better watch out! - What is that? 475 00:26:34,801 --> 00:26:36,803 You better not cry! 476 00:26:39,973 --> 00:26:43,143 Who wants to play Bible Bingo? 477 00:26:43,226 --> 00:26:44,644 Why is it so dark? 478 00:26:44,728 --> 00:26:47,647 The Christmas spirit is trying to possess us! 479 00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:50,984 - This is Jesus' worst birthday ever. - What was that? 480 00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:01,095 - Hi, Mom. - Bart! 481 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,414 You told me you needed that headset mic for seminars. 482 00:27:04,497 --> 00:27:07,125 Bart, why'd you scare us? 483 00:27:07,626 --> 00:27:10,837 Just, you know, being the Bartman. 484 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,547 Oh, I get it. 485 00:27:14,341 --> 00:27:15,592 It's not funny, dear. 486 00:27:15,675 --> 00:27:16,843 Okay, good. 487 00:27:16,926 --> 00:27:20,680 Ned, would you and the boys like to have some eggnog at our house 488 00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:23,683 while Bart and I put your house back to normal? 489 00:27:23,767 --> 00:27:25,644 That sounds lovely, Marge. 490 00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:27,854 - Thank you. - Yay. 491 00:27:27,937 --> 00:27:29,939 Bart, why did you do this? 492 00:27:30,023 --> 00:27:32,609 I did it for you. 493 00:27:32,692 --> 00:27:35,111 - For me? - It was a gift. 494 00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:37,906 You were sad that Derren Brown wouldn't punk Flanders 495 00:27:37,989 --> 00:27:39,866 into believing in God again, 496 00:27:39,949 --> 00:27:41,534 so I tried to do it. 497 00:27:41,618 --> 00:27:43,370 Why'd you make it so scary? 498 00:27:43,453 --> 00:27:45,080 It's not that scary. 499 00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:50,335 Are we on a five? 500 00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:52,337 'Cause I could really use a Go-Gurt. 501 00:27:52,420 --> 00:27:54,756 Yes, yes, fine. But not the berry. 502 00:27:54,839 --> 00:27:56,675 Okay, it was a little scary. 503 00:27:56,758 --> 00:28:00,011 But how was that supposed to make him believe in God again? 504 00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:02,639 By making him terrified of Satan. 505 00:28:02,722 --> 00:28:04,599 It's not the same thing. 506 00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,101 Ah, tomato, tomato. 507 00:28:06,184 --> 00:28:09,270 Bart. Oh, you heard me. 508 00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:11,815 You got everything wrong, but you listened. 509 00:28:11,898 --> 00:28:14,859 It's the best present ever. 510 00:28:14,943 --> 00:28:17,112 Well, you're welcome. I'm glad you… Ooh. 511 00:28:17,195 --> 00:28:18,279 What? 512 00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:21,032 Christmas is coming! 513 00:28:22,325 --> 00:28:25,704 Yes, it is. Let's get some eggnog. 514 00:28:27,664 --> 00:28:28,790 Hello? 515 00:28:29,708 --> 00:28:33,128 This better not count as screen time. 516 00:28:33,211 --> 00:28:37,215 Okay, we'll start with the biggest chimney in town: Rainier Wolfcastle. 517 00:28:37,298 --> 00:28:39,801 Aw. His gift is on the bottom. 518 00:28:39,884 --> 00:28:41,803 Ah, just grab something off the top. 519 00:28:41,886 --> 00:28:45,223 He'll love this Popsicle-stick-framed picture of Agnes Skinner. 520 00:28:45,306 --> 00:28:47,976 Everything's easy when you don't try. 521 00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:49,644 Put that on my tombstone, kid. 522 00:28:51,688 --> 00:28:53,314 Huh? Huh? 523 00:28:55,066 --> 00:28:57,235 Good idea, Ralph. Start the car. 524 00:28:58,820 --> 00:29:00,321 - Freeze! - Ralph? 525 00:29:01,364 --> 00:29:03,908 Hi. This is your lucky day. 526 00:29:03,992 --> 00:29:06,286 Picture with Santa! No waiting. 527 00:29:08,371 --> 00:29:12,167 Write your names on this naughty list. 528 00:29:14,711 --> 00:29:17,672 Haunting aside, how are you doing, Ned? 529 00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:19,507 Well, okay, I guess. 530 00:29:19,591 --> 00:29:23,720 Christmas loses a lot of its magic when you stop believing in God. 531 00:29:23,803 --> 00:29:27,599 Lisa, when you became a Buddhist, didn't ya miss the miracles? 532 00:29:27,682 --> 00:29:29,517 Buddhists believe in miracles. 533 00:29:29,601 --> 00:29:33,980 Let me tell you a story that was told by the Buddha himself. 534 00:29:34,063 --> 00:29:38,234 Suppose there existed an ocean the size of this world. 535 00:29:38,318 --> 00:29:41,237 On its surface floated an ox yoke. 536 00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:43,990 A yolk? Like an egg yolk? 537 00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:48,244 No! The thing they use to attach a plow to an ox. 538 00:29:48,328 --> 00:29:52,582 I was imagining an ox laying an egg. 539 00:29:52,665 --> 00:29:54,042 Well, don't. 540 00:29:55,668 --> 00:30:00,048 And at the bottom of this vast ocean, there lived a blind sea turtle 541 00:30:00,131 --> 00:30:04,344 who surfaced once every hundred years to take a breath. 542 00:30:04,427 --> 00:30:09,015 How miraculous would it be if that turtle were to take its breath 543 00:30:09,098 --> 00:30:12,769 by raising its head through the middle of that yoke? 544 00:30:12,852 --> 00:30:17,190 This is how miraculous it is that you were even born. 545 00:30:17,982 --> 00:30:19,651 That's beautiful. 546 00:30:19,734 --> 00:30:22,153 This life is a precious opportunity. 547 00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:24,906 Buddhists don't concern themselves with the afterlife, 548 00:30:24,989 --> 00:30:27,408 because there is no existence 549 00:30:27,492 --> 00:30:30,829 except for that which is happening right now. 550 00:30:30,912 --> 00:30:32,247 Aw. 551 00:30:32,330 --> 00:30:34,666 - Mom! - I'm sorry. 552 00:30:34,749 --> 00:30:37,377 I like an afterlife in my religion. 553 00:30:37,460 --> 00:30:39,546 Don't yuck my spiritual yum! 554 00:30:39,629 --> 00:30:42,590 It just doesn't sound as good as the mansion in the sky 555 00:30:42,674 --> 00:30:44,467 that Ned and I are going to get. 556 00:30:44,551 --> 00:30:46,386 Well, I'm going to get. 557 00:30:46,469 --> 00:30:47,679 Sorry, Ned. 558 00:30:47,762 --> 00:30:48,847 - Oh. - Hmm. 559 00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:50,849 Santa needs cocoa! 560 00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:52,851 Santa needs cocoa! 561 00:30:52,934 --> 00:30:54,185 We gave you cocoa. 562 00:30:54,269 --> 00:30:56,437 Santa needs marshmallows! 563 00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:57,939 Stop, or we'll Mace you. 564 00:30:58,022 --> 00:30:59,691 Santa is immune to... 565 00:30:59,774 --> 00:31:01,192 Ow! 566 00:31:01,276 --> 00:31:03,528 Aw. Now I'm out of Mace. 567 00:31:03,611 --> 00:31:05,613 Did you check your stocking? 568 00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:08,825 You didn't. 569 00:31:11,953 --> 00:31:13,955 Arrested on Christmas eve. 570 00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:15,665 Deserted by my elf. 571 00:31:15,748 --> 00:31:17,500 Wasted my one phone call 572 00:31:17,584 --> 00:31:21,337 calling the radio station to request "Jingle Bell Rock." 573 00:31:21,421 --> 00:31:24,048 It wasn't as rockin' as I remember. 574 00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:25,884 And tomorrow… 575 00:31:25,967 --> 00:31:28,011 …on Christmas morning, 576 00:31:28,094 --> 00:31:30,388 when Bart and Lisa and Maggie 577 00:31:30,471 --> 00:31:33,391 run into our bedroom at the crack of dawn… 578 00:31:35,059 --> 00:31:39,022 …I won't be there to tell them to shut up! 579 00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:42,317 Little monsters. 580 00:31:43,109 --> 00:31:45,612 Give us another hour. 581 00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:50,366 Psst. Hi, Chris Pringle! 582 00:31:50,450 --> 00:31:52,493 Ralph! You came back. 583 00:31:53,828 --> 00:31:57,040 Wow. Your head is all soft spot. 584 00:31:57,123 --> 00:31:59,417 The jinglies from Daddy's belt. 585 00:32:00,501 --> 00:32:02,670 The sleigh is parked outside. 586 00:32:03,463 --> 00:32:05,381 Ralph, new plan. 587 00:32:05,465 --> 00:32:08,384 I'm gonna be Santa, but just for my family. 588 00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:12,388 And you're going to be a helpful elf, but just for your family. 589 00:32:12,472 --> 00:32:17,393 So everything is back to the way it was before we were magic? 590 00:32:17,477 --> 00:32:19,562 Yeah, I'm sorry. 591 00:32:21,648 --> 00:32:22,899 I'm different. 592 00:32:22,982 --> 00:32:26,819 You are different, but you're cute. So that's gonna help. 593 00:32:26,903 --> 00:32:30,448 No, I'm different 'cause the time I "spended" with you. 594 00:32:30,531 --> 00:32:33,201 Aw. I'm different, too. 595 00:32:33,284 --> 00:32:35,620 My hat smells make me hungry. 596 00:32:35,703 --> 00:32:37,413 Okay, new new plan. 597 00:32:37,497 --> 00:32:40,166 We stop by Krusty Burger on the way home. 598 00:33:34,554 --> 00:33:36,014 Hey, Ned. 599 00:33:41,728 --> 00:33:44,272 Heads up! Oh, I missed you. 600 00:33:44,355 --> 00:33:47,567 Ah. Someone must be looking out for you. Glu-hoyvin. 601 00:33:47,650 --> 00:33:49,861 I'm not so sure about that. 602 00:33:49,944 --> 00:33:52,155 I'm having a crisis of faith. 603 00:33:52,238 --> 00:33:54,323 Oh, well, I'm sorry. 604 00:33:54,407 --> 00:33:56,075 Anyway, good night. 605 00:33:56,159 --> 00:33:59,495 You know, I am about to take my… 606 00:33:59,579 --> 00:34:03,374 My super sub for a quick dive, with the pinging and the ear-popping 607 00:34:03,458 --> 00:34:07,795 and the wondrous "Oh, we're floating in the world of water!" 608 00:34:07,879 --> 00:34:09,589 Would you care to join me? 609 00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:12,175 I think it might be good for you. 610 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:14,177 Hmm. Why not? 611 00:34:15,136 --> 00:34:17,847 It almost looks like outer space. 612 00:34:17,930 --> 00:34:21,684 Well, we actually know more about space than we know about the deep sea. 613 00:34:21,768 --> 00:34:24,437 We know even less about why you can't tickle yourself. 614 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:25,772 It's actually not funny. 615 00:34:25,855 --> 00:34:31,110 Ah. How do you deal with the emptiness that comes with knowing there is no God? 616 00:34:31,194 --> 00:34:33,321 Well, sir, I know no such thing. 617 00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:36,199 A scientist must always keep an open mind. 618 00:34:36,282 --> 00:34:39,452 Or at least one that is just a little bit ajar. 619 00:34:39,535 --> 00:34:41,829 For example, everything science knew 620 00:34:41,913 --> 00:34:44,749 told us that nothing could survive at this depth. 621 00:34:44,832 --> 00:34:46,793 But there are creatures that thrive here. 622 00:34:46,876 --> 00:34:48,753 They're very weird creatures. 623 00:34:51,547 --> 00:34:53,966 So, do you believe in God? 624 00:34:54,050 --> 00:34:58,554 I think that God is revealed in the orderly harmony of nature. Yes. 625 00:34:58,638 --> 00:35:01,682 I don't think of him as a giant fellow with the floods 626 00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:04,268 and the harps and the voice of Morgan Freeman, 627 00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:06,562 or occasionally that other guy from The Thing. 628 00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:09,982 Yeah. I just wish he would, uh, talk to me. 629 00:35:10,066 --> 00:35:11,651 Could that kind of God exist? 630 00:35:11,734 --> 00:35:15,029 I have learned anything is possible. 631 00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:16,906 Look at the Giant Siphonophore. 632 00:35:16,989 --> 00:35:19,158 It acts like a single creature, 633 00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:24,664 but it is actually a 100-foot conga line of individual organisms. 634 00:35:24,747 --> 00:35:25,748 Unbelievable. 635 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:09,959 It's an honor to meet all of you. 636 00:36:10,042 --> 00:36:12,211 Oh, it is a rare privilege. 637 00:36:12,295 --> 00:36:14,630 You know more people have been to the moon 638 00:36:14,714 --> 00:36:16,465 than here in the hadal zone? 639 00:36:16,549 --> 00:36:20,595 Wow. That is something. Do you think fish know when… 640 00:36:20,678 --> 00:36:22,763 Wait, did you say the moon? 641 00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:26,225 Yes, we're at a very experimental depth right now. 642 00:36:26,309 --> 00:36:27,560 Experimental? 643 00:36:27,643 --> 00:36:29,520 Oh, yes. This is my first time. 644 00:36:33,107 --> 00:36:36,110 Okay. I guess you say that now. 645 00:36:36,194 --> 00:36:39,071 - Bring us up. Bring us up. - All right. Okay. 646 00:36:39,155 --> 00:36:41,073 Don't want any more f-torpedoes. 647 00:36:42,575 --> 00:36:45,828 - What was that? - The sub is not exactly loving 648 00:36:45,912 --> 00:36:50,917 all of the pressure which is trying to… 649 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,001 …uh, crush us. 650 00:36:56,756 --> 00:36:58,299 What should we do? 651 00:36:59,675 --> 00:37:01,719 Um. Pray? 652 00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:04,931 Then quickly head to the surface. Yeah. 653 00:37:12,271 --> 00:37:13,648 What happened? 654 00:37:13,731 --> 00:37:15,191 We're above the crush zone. 655 00:37:15,274 --> 00:37:17,360 We're no longer in danger of imploding. 656 00:37:17,443 --> 00:37:19,487 We'll be at the surface in a few minutes. 657 00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:23,699 Though, with the damage we took, there is of course still a danger of ex... 658 00:37:39,298 --> 00:37:41,759 Professor Frink? Professor Frink? 659 00:37:45,304 --> 00:37:48,182 Oh, thank… thank… …We made it. Oh. 660 00:37:48,266 --> 00:37:50,685 Oh, my boat is right there. We can paddle to it. 661 00:37:50,768 --> 00:37:52,395 What the heck are you floating on? 662 00:37:52,478 --> 00:37:55,731 Part of your… Part of your submarine. 663 00:37:55,815 --> 00:37:58,109 There was no wood on my sub. 664 00:37:58,192 --> 00:38:00,278 That almost looks like a… What is that? 665 00:38:00,361 --> 00:38:01,821 It's a plow yoke. 666 00:38:02,989 --> 00:38:04,865 That's exactly what it is. 667 00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:06,534 It's a miracle. 668 00:38:06,617 --> 00:38:10,329 It's a "ding-dang-diddly-dong" miracle! 669 00:38:10,413 --> 00:38:14,333 Wow. You are quite the potty-mouth now that there's no God watching you. 670 00:38:14,417 --> 00:38:16,502 No, don't you see? He is watching. 671 00:38:16,585 --> 00:38:20,131 - I know that now. I believe again. - Congratulations. Wonderful. 672 00:38:20,214 --> 00:38:23,092 But we should get to the boat. Can't be in the water for too long. 673 00:38:23,175 --> 00:38:25,219 We're gonna be fine. 674 00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:26,679 I have faith. 675 00:38:28,014 --> 00:38:30,349 Ned, are you okay? 676 00:38:30,433 --> 00:38:33,311 I'm more than okay. Look what saved me. 677 00:38:33,394 --> 00:38:35,938 It's a miracle. I'm a miracle. 678 00:38:36,022 --> 00:38:40,818 You're a miracle. Everything's a miracle. 679 00:38:42,653 --> 00:38:45,281 He's been like this the-the whole ride back. 680 00:38:45,364 --> 00:38:46,949 You believe again? 681 00:38:47,033 --> 00:38:48,784 I sure do. 682 00:38:48,868 --> 00:38:50,077 - Daddy! - Daddy! 683 00:38:50,161 --> 00:38:53,372 So you let Jesus back into your heart? 684 00:38:53,456 --> 00:38:58,044 I sure did. I'm not going to hell, which exists again. 685 00:38:58,127 --> 00:38:59,628 - Yay! - Yay! 686 00:38:59,712 --> 00:39:03,174 I wanna give my toys to the less fortunate. 687 00:39:03,257 --> 00:39:07,636 Well, I'm not sure the less fortunate want a toy hairbrush, but we'll see. 688 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:08,721 Hello. 689 00:39:08,804 --> 00:39:10,306 - Derren Brown? - What? 690 00:39:10,389 --> 00:39:12,433 British guy from earlier? 691 00:39:12,516 --> 00:39:13,809 Wait, did you… 692 00:39:13,893 --> 00:39:17,646 I may have manipulated Ned's reality this evening. 693 00:39:17,730 --> 00:39:20,191 - How? - He was never in a submarine tonight. 694 00:39:20,274 --> 00:39:23,069 He was in a floating, break-away set. 695 00:39:23,152 --> 00:39:25,780 Most of my crew are scuba-diving puppeteers. 696 00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:28,866 We even brought in Patti LaBelle to set the mood. 697 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,669 And, of course, Professor Frink was in on it. 698 00:39:40,753 --> 00:39:43,756 Yes, I do the occasional fake submarine voyage 699 00:39:43,839 --> 00:39:46,759 just to keep my SAG card active. 700 00:39:46,842 --> 00:39:49,470 What changed your mind about helping Ned? 701 00:39:49,553 --> 00:39:51,889 Look, while I have issues with religion, 702 00:39:51,972 --> 00:39:55,059 I do understand the need to find meaning in life. 703 00:39:55,142 --> 00:39:59,522 And I wanted to show Ned the magic of this human existence. 704 00:39:59,605 --> 00:40:02,024 I wasn't trying to make him believe anything supernatural. 705 00:40:02,108 --> 00:40:04,777 The yoke makes it seem a little supernatural. 706 00:40:04,860 --> 00:40:05,778 The yoke? 707 00:40:05,861 --> 00:40:08,447 Didn't you put a wooden yoke in the water? 708 00:40:08,531 --> 00:40:11,575 - He wasn't there for that story. - I don't know what you mean. 709 00:40:11,659 --> 00:40:15,246 - Shall I ask my crew? - No, don't ask. Let's just believe. 710 00:40:15,329 --> 00:40:17,915 Anyway, merry Christmas, Simpsons. 711 00:40:17,998 --> 00:40:21,168 Speaking of which, because you're on the nice list, 712 00:40:21,252 --> 00:40:23,379 here's a little something for you. 713 00:40:23,462 --> 00:40:24,797 Oh, thank you, Homer. 714 00:40:25,589 --> 00:40:29,927 What? The blue bow tie from my ventriloquist's dummy, Chaucer. 715 00:40:30,010 --> 00:40:31,720 This has been missing for so long. 716 00:40:31,804 --> 00:40:33,472 You're a ventriloquist? 717 00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:36,892 I was. And I… I realize this is hard to believe 718 00:40:36,976 --> 00:40:39,645 but before I got into magic, I was a nerd. 719 00:40:39,728 --> 00:40:40,938 - No! - No! 720 00:40:41,021 --> 00:40:42,314 No! 721 00:40:42,398 --> 00:40:46,235 How could you have known? Unless, you're actually… 722 00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:52,324 Merry Christmas, Santa. 723 00:40:58,539 --> 00:41:01,125 I thought the hair-bow was for Maggie. 724 00:41:01,208 --> 00:41:02,877 I mixed up the boxes. 725 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:04,086 Oh, it's fine. 726 00:41:07,673 --> 00:41:09,842 Maggie's gonna love this Applebee's gift card. 727 00:43:00,327 --> 00:43:01,327 Shh.